Ever try to explain thermodynamics to an ant? Probably haven't on account of multiple reasons, but the one I am after is the differing scales of intellect. Granted, ants are not really perceived to be on the intellectual level we are, but bare with me. It's the best way I can elaborate it to you.

In my condescending, rude, and self-indulgent manner, I partake that viewing of difficulty with myself as it pertains to everyone else. You're all ants, and I cannot explain my thoughts to you. You're dumb. I'm smart. It's such a horrifically beautiful illusion of mine, isn't it? Pulled the wool over my eyes, with my own two hands.

And yet I have far too many people that agree with the assertion, even if it is never once put to the air of conversation. People look up to me. Ask me questions. Seek me out for answers that they cannot conceive.

How did I get this position? Am I actually intelligent, or am I just the manipulator I convince everyone I am? Is it the truth or the lie that is the correct answer? How am I not intelligent enough to answer this question? Did I manipulate myself?

I sip tea as I write this. I think over each word that comes from numerous pecks on a keyboard. Sometimes, rare and hard-pressed to get me to admit to it again. I long for that void of mind that comes from anti-depressant medication. That numbing that comes to consciousness. The ability to lay down on a bed for 3 seconds, and realize once the meds wear off that it has been 3 hours. And yet, all you can recall doing is staring at the ceiling. Not a single thought in your mind.

Nirvana? Enlightenment? Meditation? Are these all the conceptual ideas that men strived for centuries to find?

I really need a girlfriend.

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