Female Rejection.

Just a quick reminder. I don't celebrate Christmas, folks. Don't tell me 'Merry Christmas!', or suffer the consequences. Now, to my point of this post. This season, is Hell. I have discovered the location of that vile realm, and it isn't a place. It's a time. This season, is Hell. I do not exaggerate on the people that seem to be emotionally suffering. 7 people, 7 of them, have come to use my shoulder. Struggling and announcing their troubles socially or emotionally. People are breaking down around me, and I know I'm of good advice. Otherwise people wouldn't come to ask for it so often. But regardless, this is pushing me a tad far. When everyone is getting this bad, I just want to punch everyone in their face, use a scapel to remove their torso skin, and pour salt water over their exposed muscles. Screw you all. I don't mind helping people, I even like it at times. But when several people are coming to me within a brief period of time? Then.. I think...

Some pounding beat into the back of your ear. It helps set the tone, though the dark setting already defined one on its own. Wet grass from the rains of a few hours earlier before the sun finally went beneath the horizon. You can feel numb in parts of your body, as small trickles of blood and sweat mix from the degraded areas. Your breath his heavy and tired, using the long inhales to help keep yourself conscious and upright. Your right hand was firmly clenched into fist, but the left continued to have trouble. The fingers twitched, spasmed from the slightly severed muscles within your palm. You didn't have a reason to be standing there, you didn't have a reason to defy and defend. You had no reason to take on the massive lines of man before you. But the fact you did, made them nervous. The sight of you upon your hill, the strength and determination you gave caused their doubts to grow. Honor. That's the battle you fight, alone, hurt, and tired. But its worth it, even if on...

What is it about me that they love? Why do they listen and obey, why do they bend over to be overwhelmed? I can't understand it at times, thinking that I am just the prick that I am. Where does this sincerity and softness come from? Where does it take a step back to the power, command, and appeal of my aggressiveness? Is it really that much for them? Do they really enjoy it that much? I can't believe that they will let me use them, abuse them, torture them. They take it all willingly, beg me to do it for them, while the rest of society would get an earful with kicks and screaming should anyone else dare consider trying. What is so special about me? You all give me too much credit. I'm just a boy, that is still aspring to be that great man you all believe me to be.

My legs hurt. Vicidin isn't working. Financially life sucks, and that isn't even mentioning my financial standings at the moment. The house is so.. Ugh. I feel stranded, and hurt. But with nowhere to go. No way to leave. Other people would have went on a rampage of destruction and went down guns blazing. But I sit here, I wait. I bide my time for reasons i don't have. In a dramatic way of saying it. Others would have commited suicide by now. And yet I press on with the same blind determination I've always had. Do I not know when to quit? To give up? Can I not see that nothing positive nor negative would come from the result? Other than saying I completed the task, pointlessly? For the honor...

I could watch her for hours. The breeze, that is. She rushes through the corn field across the street. Pushing the plants from side to side, frolicking like a giddy sprite. This is what serenity feels like, and may it never leave me. I still hate you all though.

I'm... Becoming anti-social again. Like, hard-core, how I used to be through grade school and begining of high school. I don't really want to talk to anyone. I don't want to socialize, check on how they are doing. I just want to do my own thing. I just want to be left to silence. I'd wish some of you would die, just so you couldn't bother me again. Fuck you. Fuck you in your god damned asses and enjoy it. I don't like humanity. I don't like Earth. Is it wrong for me to wish for ruling of the planet, simply to smother all life upon it? Things just don't want to go well for me. I can't stand life's little dramatic games. Go away drama-starters. I don't want you here. I've a lead pipe. I'm not afraid to use it. Seriously folks, fuck off. All of you. I hate you all. If you were in my presense and tried to talk, I'd dig my nails into your forehead and tear off your face. Then claw at the muscle tissue behind the skin. I.... Want.. To....

How can I be wrong? How can you say that I lied, that I misheard or misintepreted what you said? All the evidence, points against you, yet you call me a wrong, you call me a liar. I just don't get it. I wouldn't have admitted to what you say I did. How could I admit to doing something I'm against? That I wouldn't want to do, in any case scenario? It doesn't make sense! If you are so deep in belief that you would never do something... Would you? No. Of course not. So why would I? I'm such a social retard. I'll never understand why people make statements like they do. I don't understand people. Burn, may you all burn, and never call me a liar again.