Female Rejection.

If you think I'm going to take notice, that I am going to care, then you are mistaken. You are wrong. I shoved you aside, put you on the shelf to admire and stare at but not to interact with. I did this long ago. Climbing down to try and woo me with the past won't do anything but hurt me. The past is there to be observed, not dabbled with. This is not H.G. Wells, and I am not a past-traveling hero. I step each moment further into the future, and your efforts are behind me. Does it mean I don't like you, or that I never cared? Quite the opposite. It's why it hurts, why I constantly glance to the shelf. It's why I refuse you today. Once upon a time I said for the honor. Now, I say for the memory.

All the anti-depressants in the world couldn't make me cope. I'll tell you every day I'm the most resoundingly sturdy man of mental prowess. That nothing can break me, none of you can harm me without allowance. But I'd be lying, there is one thing that I cannot cope with, one thing I cannot handle. It breaks me down, reduces me to tears. I am a shriveled child in the corner, sobbing while holding the precious teddy bear. Or in my case, Mr. Lion. I thought it wouldn't be a problem today. Thought nothing would matter, how would I even dare to assume this or that would happen in relation to that dreaded day of February 5 at 9:16 AM. But it was. It happened, I was helpless before it. I tried to reason myself out of it, I am the logical and the decisive. I am the one in control, the one everyone leans towards... But not in this case. Not at this time. He cowers, even now, in his grave. And I can do nothing to comfort him. Is this as close to suicide as I'll ever expe...

There might be a chance I think I am better than you. There might be a chance I am pulling your strings. So faint, so lightly that you'll just think I'm only holding you up. But I am tugging them. Go ahead, reach up over your skull and give them a tug, you'll feel the resistance of my hold. I don't mean to be malicious or cruel. I really am trying to do things better for you, for the betterment of both of us. You're used to hearing that excuse, but as I said. I might just be better than you. Smarter than you. More obsessed. I will be selfish with my manipulations, but that only shows how clever I am, how magnificent I am. I twist and change you to my bidding, for my selfish ambitions.. And yet you still get everything you want and need. How many tricksters and silver-tongued devils are capable of admitting to that same feat? I don't want your thanks, I don't want your attention. I just want to be left alone, left to do as I please, left to make the world a b...

It's that void in the chest that can bring giants to their knees, that inability to form words or to lose all composure at just a recollection. That desire to never forget, and yet so painful to remember. I am known as a stone, unflinching and unwavering. Nothing is known to stop my resolve or move my position. But that doesn't include what it means to be a 'parent', and lose one's 'son'. Furry and four legged he may have been; I shall never have a greater friend, more intimate companion, or beloved child. I shall miss you Rocky. Nothing in my life can, or will ever compare to the heights you had brought me during your lifetime. Rocky Cain March 1, 1998 to February 5, 2010 at 9:16 AM.